Advice for victims - if you are living with a violent person

If you are living with a violent person:

  • Ensure that you have a support system in place - family, friends and professionals (such as your doctor, solicitor, the Citizen's Advice Bureau, housing or victim support) who can assist you. Your abuser may try to keep you away from people who love and care for you. This is a way of making you more dependent on them.

  • Talk to family, friends and neighbours you can trust.  Ask them to call the police if they see or hear an incident occurring.  Have a prearranged keyword or signal, which you can use on the phone to let them know you are in danger and need help. If the worst happens and your partner attacks you, make as much noise as possible to alert others.

  • Also encourage your children to keep themselves safe by finding a place to hide in the house or running to a neighbour’s house.  Recent research from Refuge has shown that there is a significant risk of young children developing emotional and behavioural problems if they have been exposed to violence or trauma.

  • In some cases, children under the age of five have tried to intervene during violent incidents, putting themselves at greater risk of being hurt. Teach your children that it is not safe for them to intervene directly, and that they should remove themselves from danger at the first opportunity. Also make sure they know how to call the police.

  • Write down contact details for friends, family or colleagues that you trust, or professional organisations that offer help, and keep the numbers in a safe place.  Plan how to get to a phone from which your call cannot be traced by your abuser. For example, use a payphone to avoid the number showing on your bill.

  • In case you have to leave your home in a hurry, you should keep a packed bag in a safe hiding place, but somewhere that you can quickly retrieve it - perhaps at a trusted neighbour’s house. The bag should include all your essentials such as clothes, toiletries, any medication you may need, some form of identification, your Child Benefit books and your child's favourite toys. Pack a list of phone numbers, enough money for phone calls and a bus or taxi journey, keys and a chequebook.  If you have children, pack copies of their documentation, too.